Sex With a Narcissist - Part I
So It Begins
This week we will follow the journey of Baby Girl as she navigates the waters of online dating. She is loose, has no boundaries, and wants a relationship more than air until she meets HIM. What will she do to get HIM? How will she keep HIM? Based on real life events, this story of growth and transformation is sure to keep you on the edge of your seat! Now let’s begin...
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“You’re so beautiful…” is how it always began as he caressed my face. “Now put your mouth here…”
The gentle ways that he touched me; the depth of his voice as he whispered those sweet words in my ear and stared deeply into my eyes. It all filled a void that screamed to be touched…or so I thought. I was so confused.
Are these actions his way of showing that he does indeed love me? He hadn’t said the words but from what I’ve seen growing up, this is a true sign of affection. I’ll just go with it. How could a man that gives me this kind of time and attention not love me? Is this intimacy? Touching, cuddling, kissing, falling asleep together after HE gets his orgasm. Lord knows, I didn’t know what an orgasm was, and he didn’t care to teach me. The answer is NO, baby girl. NO.
It all started at a church that I visited with my roommate. We were invited by a fellow musician to check out their music ministry and since we were young, wild, and free, we figured going to church would help us redeem ourselves of all of the ratchetness that we had committed the nights before Sunday services. I just knew we were going to burst into flames as soon as we crossed the threshold of the sanctuary. The building was small and the congregation even smaller. It wasn’t long before we locked eyes. The only good-looking young man in the place. He was captivating. He greeted all the members, sang in the choir, he even delivered the message in the funniest Kevin Hart kind of way. Pineapples ok, pineapples!
I was slightly uncomfortable during this time. I was already a bit socially awkward, but I swear I could feel him watching me the whole time. I tried my best to stay focused on the musicians and the music but everywhere I looked, he was there! It was so weird! I didn’t even get up with my "church finger” to go to the restroom for the sake of seeing him there as well. If I smoked cigarettes, this would have been such a good time to light one up outside of the church. At least I would have been far away from his gaze.
The service ended and so began the meet and greet on the way to the door. He walked up to my roommate and I to shake our hands. She and I looked at each other and laughed as he walked away. He hopped in his Camaro with the “JESUS” license plate and sped out of the parking lot. Yes, I watched him walk away and didn’t say a word. I felt that if he was interested, he would’ve said something.
I inquired with my friend if he was single and to my surprise he was! It was too late for me though. The opportunity to flirt and give him my phone number was gone. Back to my Rock Star lifestyle that included partying and drinking seven nights a week along with being a full-time college student and having a full-time job. On the way home, I questioned my roommate about what she thought of him and she just chunked it up to: He’s cute but you know he’s a hoe. Part of me knew this and disregarded it. I saw something that I wanted and if I had the chance to have it, I would go after it. Not sure why during this time in my life I chose to ignore all warning signs, flags, intuitive nudges, etc. I was running blindly in the dark with a sharp knife!
Months passed and I was convinced by friends to join the new wave of online dating: Plenty of Fish. What is Plenty of Fish?! Commonly referred to as POF, it was like a candy store for whores and those looking for love alike. To my amazement, there were ALL flavors of men; no two were ever the same. So, what kind did I want? To hell with it…let’s try them all! I created an account and within minutes, I had several messages from random men.
There were no barriers on POF. I didn’t have to pay for messages or to see who liked my pictures. It was all fair game…if the person responded. It reminded me of the good ‘ole days. You know, before Facebook and Myspace. Back when AOL chat rooms and Black Planet were a force to be reckoned with. A space where you could virtually meet and chat with whoever you wanted as long as your Mama didn’t pick up the phone and ruin the internet connection. The feel of POF at the time even went as far back as The Chat Line. Dial in, record your name, and let the fun begin! So many sex, I mean, love connections, and shit talking carried on in those chat rooms between rival high schools and neighborhoods. Memories.
There I was, scrolling Plenty of Fish several times a day. Sending messages to attractive strangers and blocking the ones that tried to marry me after one conversation was exhausting. My luck with finding boyfriend material was damn near obsolete so I became a part of the whoremonger population. If I can’t get with them, why not just fuck ‘em? That’s what they were doing, right?
Then there was a familiar face. Can’t be. I’m tripping. Not the Youth Minister from my friend’s church?! I guess he truly was single. With a swift click, I was in that thang! BOOM…sent him a message:
Me: Hey, I think I know you.
Him: No, I don’t think you do.
Me: I think I met you at my friend’s church a few months ago.
Him: Umm…?
I wasn’t giving up. I knew it was him.
Me: Yeah, a church on the South Side. You sang in the choir and preached.
Him: Oh yeah, I think I remember you. You were there with another girl.
Me: Yeah! That was me!!!
Him: Cool. Me: How are you?! What are you looking for on here?
A few hours go by…no response.
A day goes by…no response.
Two days go by…no response.
Me: How are you?
No response.
A day goes by…no response.
Three days go by…no response.
A week goes by…nothing.
Does this sound familiar to anybody? Why is it that we spend our time reaching out to people on these dating sites that seem like the perfect match, but they never respond?! Are they here for followers on their social media accounts? Is this a business opportunity? Do they just want to collect women to use at their disposal? Don’t they know that some women are trying to date, get married, and start a family in six months?! How rude?!
A week later…
Him: Sorry, I’ve been really busy with work lately. How are you?
In my head, I’m screaming “This motherfucker!!! It’s been TWO got damn weeks…how dare you make me wait for a response?! FUCK YOU!!!!
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The online dating struggle has been real and I know those of us on these apps have seen at least one person we know or recognize. That’s always fun and awkward, right. However, I do love a good church scandal so I want to see this play out, lol.
To find out more about what happens next with Baby Girl please support our good Sis and author CiCi as she shares her real life story with us in her first e-book.
-Sincerely, Sis